Good morning, America

Things that I can never, ever forgive the United States of America for:

• Trick or treat.
• The fact all our teenagers now speak like they're in the cast of Friends, if not in accent, then in inflection.
• The fact that all sorts of very clever people who I respect a great deal now say "airplane" instead of "aeroplane".
• The fact our entire political system's integrity has been compromised for decades to come since the UK became America's little bitch.
• The American National Anthem.
• The "USA...USA..." chant at sporting events.

Things which go some way towards making this up to me:

• Bob Dylan.
• Warner Bros. cartoons.
• Specs.
• House M.D., Quincy M.E., Ghostbusters and the Die Hard films.

Almost all* of it will be forgiven, however, if you all elect Barack Obama as President next week. Don't do it for him. Don't do it for yourselves or your neighbours. Don't do it in a spirit of revenge against George Bush. Do it for me.

* I will never forgive trick or treating or your national anthem, though. Never. Not ever.