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Wednesday, 2 November 2011

On breakfast

I am fat. Some of you will already know this. For others, I'm sorry to have to disabuse you of your notion of me as a bronzed Greek god. No. I am in fact fat. I have been fat (basically the same size as I am now) for over half my life now. I think it is pretty much my natural size. Pretty much, anyway. I am naturally stocky with broad shoulders. I'm sure if I ate less then there'd be fewer fat bits.

So maybe it's just that which makes me find cereal a singularly unsatisfying and unsatisfactory breakfast food? But perhaps not - when I threw this out as a discussion topic this morning on Twitter a number of incredibly NOT fat people agreed with me. It just doesn't fill that hole that needs filling between waking up and lunchtime. God knows I've tried virtually every type of cereal going and they all come up short.

Before I get angry emails and turds from Kellogg's (sorry other cereal makers, but you're just not as good, face facts), I should point out that I think cereal is very nice and as a snack food or a light teatime food it is very good. However, being asleep is the single longest time during a day that I go without eating (20 minutes) and those toasty bits of old whatever just aren't cutting the mustard.

So, as a public service, here's a list (LIST) of breakfast foods which I have found to be far more acceptable and (more importantly) do the job of filling you up until that hog roast you've promised yourself at lunchtime.

Pork pie
Simple and classic. There's nothing like a breakfast pork pie, there really isn't. I think this is something to do with its vast reserves of calories and fat, a combination simply bound to make you feel sprightly.

Kedgeree
Yes, let's take it OLD SCHOOL, Raj style. Rice! Smoked fish! Spices! Eggs! What more could you ever possibly want?

Massive fry up
Look, it's clichéd because it bloody well works.

Leftover takeaway/last night's dinner
Not Chinese, mind you, which tends to be full of cornflour or arrowroot and therefore have taken on many of the properties of The Blob, with the added bonus of making you bilious. Leftover curry, though, is the breakfast of champions whilst last night's pizza is the breakfast of kings.

Gin and tonic
Some people swear by beer in the morning, but they must be completely mad. Beer is an afternoon drink, unless you're babysitting. Gin and tonic is THE choice for the morning alcoholic.

Eggs
However you like them. Just get some eggs down you. The more the better. Try for a whole box.

Biscuits
Oh, now you're talking.

3 comments:

Lolly said...

CEREAL. Weekday mornings. Religiously. Shreddies. Big bowl of. Semi skimmed milk. Shreddies once theyve gone a bit soggy. Half a chopped up narna on top. Absolutely stuffed till lunchtime. SO THERE. Eggs are for weekends only. EVERYBODY knows that. Also, sausages.

5olly said...

fucking shite website hates me :-(

G said...

and me Peter, and me. This is my second attempt at this....

I have to agree Teddingtons, cereal is nothing more than cardboard with sugar on them.

Now proper breakfast food I could eat for every meal, especially if it contains bacon, eggs, mushrooms and toast.

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